growing in belief

Its not the circumstances that affect our attitude abut life, its our certainty of what is to come. Our belief about the future affects our attitude about today's trials and joys. If I'm in a tough one and can't imagine what the outcome might be, I will groan and cry and curse and squirm. But If I know that I know that God has a definite goal to this season, that His will is being accomplished through my groaning, and I believe firmly in His goodness, then unbelief cannot touch me. I will be satisfied with His provision as painful as it might be as a 'momentary light affliction'.

Here is an illustration: Courage can come from hearing the bugle, the anthem over the hills of help coming. In the battle I may grow so weary that my hand drops my sword and I am literally stopped from any offensive or defensive action. Then I hear the sound of a bugle announcing the arrival of fresh troops that I had given up hope on. Then even before I see them coming, or have their actual physical aid to join me in the fight, I find that I have a surge of energy and hope and passion again. Now I can pick up that dropped sword and start using it. Just the knowledge that this help is coming is enough to change me, as if it were already here.

My children, keep yourself free from idols

Something I have been mulling over is something I have read and re-read in Isaiah 44. The portion where Isaiah goes off on the lunacy of taking one tree and using half as a source of fuel to cook food and the other half to be carved by man's hands into a form that then becomes one's god. The thoughts that I have are these: Jehovah God was the one who gave us the tree in the first place as a good thing that is useful. We can praise God for its provision. But to then make it into a source of life, one that you go to for nourishment, for protection against bad things, for pleasure or escape, for answers when feeling lost, for power over foes...well then, it has now become a futile idol.

One litmus test for me is to ask myself, is this relationship, this position, this item, this exciting plan, one that God intended to bless me with, but I have now turned it into a source of life for me? Do I grow afraid at the thought of losing it? Do I value the thought of it more than God? Do I spend inordinate amounts of time thinking, defending, pursuing it? God gave me this thing (strength, money, a friendship, a love of beauty, a love of sports, a love of words) but never to become a source of life for me. He wants me to step away from the intensity of my emotions, and hold the 'idol' loosely, and ask Him to reveal anything unwholesome about it and let Him transform it from idolatry to a recognition of this being just one of His provisions.

What God does well

Ever wonder what God had in mind when He mercifully and creatively led you into a difficult season? Or allowed you to fall? At the end of his life King David said, 'Bless the Lord who has redeemed my life from all distress.' Which isn't to say that God has made all of the distressing things go away or to not be true. But that He redeems them. I like this definition:

Redemption=“to purchase back for the sake of restoring. To return that which was sold away, tarnished, given up, ruined, left for dead. To reclaim in such a manner that the resulting state is stunningly more wonderful than what would have otherwise been.”

what does surrender feel like?

The other day a friend and I were talking and I asked her to write down the emotions of a soul right before surrender occurs. And then what it feels like once you do cry 'uncle' to God.

Clinging to rights. Logical inner argument. Indignant. Self-deserving. Self-justifying. Frustrating. Exhausting. No brain rest/circling thoughts.

And then mercy steps in and reveals the real fight and we feel:

Healthy grief/sadness. Loss. Lifting of an immense burden. Relief. Illogical yet healthy letting go. Expectancy and wonder for what God will do next. Sensing room for God's sovereignty.

When we find that our struggle is not really about another person; that its really about our response to a difficult situation, then we are given spiritual energy to surrender. To give up the expectation that someone will apologize, or agree with me, or recompense a loss.

Its called freedom.

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Prov 4:23

Proverbs 4:23 says, 'guard your heart with all diligence'.

Today it occurs to me that here is something I don't do much but I should do more. After all, it does say, with ALL diligence.

When my life is wafting along in a serene sorta way and then something comes to upset me; let's say bad health. or financial pressure. or conflict in a relationship. I will struggle and thrash and ache and fight. My mind will be a perfect whirl of thoughts and scenarios and ways that I could try to elude this trial (if I can) or diminish its effect on me. And then God always steps into a greater visibility. Usually He doesn't make the ick go away. But He reminds me of true things and I discover the incomparable sweetness of Emmanuel forever more right beside me. 100% of the time I have discovered myself grateful for the situation that had caused such turmoil, because it has revealed to me better views of this glorious God. How admirable He is!

So what does this say about those in between seasons of the serene wafting? God is there. Always there. Plenty dazzling and glorious and the giver of all that goodness. He has generously formed my life to be jammed full of good people, a good life, a worthy calling, provision for all I need. I love my life and the days of my life. But I am in no little grave danger here of being satisfied with only that. To hug myself with joy over the things in my life and the situation I am in is to miss out on how glorious it is to have Emmanuel here. To be free from distraction to admire this Good God is my goal. But God doesn't have to remove everything in order for me to be clearer sighted. I need to seek His provision to be free from idolatry. I John 5:21 says, "Little children, keep yourselves from idols."

I want to learn how to do that.

Hannah Coulter said, "When they were young I suppose all my thoughts about the children started with knowing that they were mine. Because they were mine, I had to think of what I should do for them, of what we could do for them to get them started in the world. Of what they needed." (Wendell Berry)

Solomon said, "Train up a child in the way he should go...."

Training isn't merely telling a person something. It isn't just hoping they catch it by observation. Its repeated telling, repeated demonstration. Its age appropriate. Its creative. It includes ides that one gets from God Himself and by observing other families that have learned how to do this on one way or aother.

So we begin with what our children will need built into them before they leave home and then work back to where they are now.

I am going to being with only four basic topics here. I may get around to some others.... Anyway, Staying connected to God. Money. How to fail and then to get back up again. Relationships.

1. How to stay connected to God. This will serve them every day of their glorious and inglorious life. Let them see this because it is in your life in maturing stages.:

He is an invisible God who is all around them

He is sovereign

He is good

He satisfies

He hears us when we pray. He ALWAYS answers us. Sometimes with a 'no'.

Be satisfied in Him. Let Him heal you of your addictions and idols. Live transparently because your children are seeing your life more than your words.

II. Money

Give them money to save and spend. Talk about money. Read them from Proverbs about money and how god sees it. Let them hear you converse together and how you decide to buy things. Let them know (appropriately to their age) when things are tight and how it affects your spending. If you are greedy or materialistic, ask God to HEAL you.

High schoolers: give them in cash what you would have spent on them clothes, entertainment, personal hygiene, fast food, etc. (if you normally would expect them to get a part time job for their own list of things that they want to own, then encourage them to do that) Teach and demonstrate savings, charity. Spending and no debt.

If this is a weakness for you, then repent and ask others to help you mature here. This is not a good time to stay stuck in such a crippling mindset. Your kids could be FREE, if you desired to be free yourself.

III. You fail, I fail, we all fail, we will fail. Don't panic! Hannah Coulter said, "When you have gone too far, the only mending is to come home." What is the way back? Its easiest to teach them when they are small, but its never too late to speak healthily and gratefully of repentance. John Piper says instead of Christians being known as 'good works doers' we should be better known as 'repenters'.

When accidents happen, or there is a failure, don't panic! If you ever over-react, and punish and scream and yell, then REPENT. Get the non-reactive parent to show you how it could be done. When you terrify the child with your reaction you make it a scary place to confess faults. Or a child that is afraid to ever make a mistake. We have seen way too many examples of mad-parent syndrome.

Don't judge others. Teach them to not judge. Be very careful not to think judgmentally because it will come out in words. If you are free from a judgmental posture it will be easier for you to own up to your own sins and mistakes.

Maturity is not to ever need someone's help ("I am 18 now and can make my own decisions, and live my own way"...) but rather its to know when and where to ask for help. We never stop needing community and help from others.

IV. Relationships. Gazillions of personality types. But basically your kid is either a thermostat or a thermometer (thermostat: has a ability in its design to control the temperature of a room. It tells the furnace or air conditioner and fan when and when not to activate. Thermometer only measures the temperature of the room. Has no ability to alter what it finds.)

Allow your kids to think things out for themselves. Don't react when they utter nonsense. They need to learn to discern and that comes from weighing in on both sides. You do not want your kids to merely parrot you, but to discover how to compare new ideas with what is unchangeable truth. So bring up topics to discuss. Don't shy from controversy. The other adults in your children's lives might have different (but not wrong) views. That's not a bad thing.

Your kids were given their breath of life by God in order to bless and share and nurture and provide and lead and correct and celebrate and be the light that leads the lost home. If they are God's then they already have the fulness of the Spirit within them. So beginning small and growing stronger and stronger they can be trained to repent of any hint of being a taker, a predator, a passive conspirator, a defiler.

Make Kindness and Wholesomeness a celebrated trait. One that you value in them more than your desire for them to be a good student, athlete, a good wage earner, obedient or popular.

Proverbs 31:12 is written about a woman but the truth applies to men as well. Use it as a yardstick to let your children measure themselves. To do the spouse good and not evil all the days of their life. Like right now, no matter how young or old they are.

1 Samuel

There is a place in I Samuel where David has run away from Saul so hastily that he needs to drop by the tabernacle so that he can scrounge some bread and a weapon. Ahimelech is glad to offer what he has to David. And then the story goes very very sad. One of Saul's men is there to observe the whole thing and reports it to Saul. Not too long after this Ahimelech is killed alongside a number of his other priest friends, and then all of their families. One of Ahimelech's sons survives and runs to David to tell him what happened.

The strangest thing happens. Instead of Abiather being completely insane with bitterness against David he blames the right guy. Saul! The king who had his father and all of his family killed. This is who he blames. And when David offers him protection and provision saying, 'The man who is seeking my life is also seeking yours. But don't be afraid. You will be safe with me', Abiather accepts.

From that point on he lives and runs alongside of David and his men. The band he aligns himself with will protect him and provide for him as he serves them as priest. Their enemy, who seeks their destruction, is his enemy.

What strikes me is that we are so often bitter at the wrong person. Instead of the one who has meant us harm, we hate the one who clumsily hurts us, or the one who speaks truth. The one who has no malice. Such an enormous waste of life!

Addie is in Norfolk this week. She seems to believe that 'Norfolk' is the name of our house. So that when we pull into the driveway she squeals, 'we are at Norfolk!' Which makes me smile.

Lots of things she does makes me smile. She asked me to buy her some new sunglasses. And then she puts them on so that she can 'see better'. She watches me hunt for my glasses so that I can see better and that must be what women do. She asked me to take a nap with her. And then patted the blanket on me so that I would be warm and comfortable. She offers me some of her snacks.

Now Addie is only two but, man! has she been studying how to be a person. She talks and reasons and argues with the best of us. She watches our postures and reactions and then practices them until she gets them down just right. The other day we told her that we didn't have the cartoon she wanted to see. 'Shoot!' she said.

But what has impacted me enough to hunt down words, is that she has been treated with such respect and affection in her life. With consistency and creativity. So she has become practiced at doing the same. She has had people be generous and open hearted with her so she shares freely. (well, Nora might disagree on that). She hears good manners so knows the polite responses. Yesterday the checker at HyVee gave her a blue dumdum which prompted a quick thank you. We were walking away when she ran back to tell her another thank you, because she really really likes blue suckers.

Addie trusts me because she has never been given a reason not to trust. And that makes the parenting work worth it.

Living in Canaan

It struck me the other day that Canaan, that place that was God's provision for His people, actually existed. It wasn't allegorical. It wasn't figurative. People were born, lived and died there.

And when I look up in my own Canaan, I see giants. They have names and addresses. God could choose to eliminate all alarming threats from my Canaan. But if He doesn't....then what.

What if God decides to keep me in the Valley of the Shadow. What if those giants camp out next door, sharpening their weaver-beam sized spears within sight of my house? What does that say about my God and His intentions for my life?

Probably lots and lots of things. But what He reassured me about yesterday is that He satisfies. He gives peace. He is so pleasant to meditate on. He is a good and kind Savior. He exposes in this uneasy proximity to giant weapons (gulp, aimed at me) that I need a Savior.

A good friend just lost her mother to cancer and it made me hear this line from 'Come Thou Fount' in a new way: " Come my Lord, no longer tell me. Take my ransomed soul away." It made me realize that there will be times in Canaan or in the Valley of the Shadow that I may be pressed to pray the same. And if God answers with a 'no', then I will discover even more truly that He satisfies, He gives peace. He is that kind of God

some good adivse given to me

Well, maybe not to me personally but found by me in the pages of some writings.

Philip Yancy says that God reveals Himself to us either as the Lover or as the Father. And there is a big difference. The Lover, an independent being, is longing for oneness with another independent being, so that they are seriously affected by any sort of separation. While the Father is creatively bringing instruction and events into the life of a very dependent being, so that he/she develops independence and a mature faith.

And then I heard some thoughts on the difference between complaining and lamenting. A complainer would be challenged by the Father to see his mind renewed into more grateful thoughts. or more humble ones. or less selfish ones. But the Lover would draw the lamenter into his arms to comfort and weep with sincere tears. He loves to join into all the emotions of His beloved.

So as I await, again, test results that may or may not be significant I realize that there are places that God is using this to grow me up. He is stretching me toward maturity and the capacity to bear my own burden. AND He is very pleased when I grieve in His presence. Both of these dynamics are happening in me right now. And it is good!

My need and His provision

So here were two thoughts that intersected in one of my recent days....

Walt Wangerin says that cancer does not give permission to become testy or rude to a medical person who hurts you, or to a blessing-meaning friend who just gets it wrong. In fact, even an internal conversation of contempt or criticism is able to set like cement into my soul.

Hm. Okay. Seems like a severe sort of standard to attain. But I'm listening.

Then Philip Yancy says that God reveals Himself to His people in two metaphors. Father to a child and Lover to His beloved. The first looks at His helpless baby and loves it into maturity. Looks for that utterly dependent child to mature into an independent adult with a mature faith. One who can bear his own burden. The second looks at His beloved, His desired one, and uses great creativity to win over her hesitations and independence so that two become one.

I think God wants me to consider this: my need for Him to give me the courage and

More in I Chronicles

David was surrounded by brave men. Here are a few things said about them: They had singleness of purpose, they were seasoned troops, equipped for battle, they bore shield and spear, they were mighty in valor, they were expressly named to come and make David king, they were men famous in their father's houses, they were armed with all the weapons of war.

He had his 3 nephews, Joab, Abishai, and Asahel (what was their mother Zeruiah like??) who became numbered in the 30 of his mighty men.

These men trickled in one by one, day after day until there was a mighty army, like an army of God. These men were not drafted. They made their own decision to be there. This was a volunteer army when it wasn't safe to be joined to David. God uses men like these.

Here's another extract from David's life

In I Chronicles you have a few details of David as a General-King that are pretty significant. When the Israelites routed the Philistines, the baal idols were dropped onto the battle field. David had them burned. He kept his heart free from idols his entire life, and leaned heavily on God. David knew that his life was fragile enough that he needed God badly to win through all the dangers.

And then there was King Saul. Saul was killed because he consulted not God but a medium. (He actually did consult God and knew that the kingdom was no longer his. He heard only silence when he asked for king-directions. He was consulting a medium because he wanted a different answer than God's) Saul was very afraid of God's will and ways, and so consulted his own understanding or forbidden advisers.

Proverbs 28:26 says, 'Whoever trusts his own mind is a fool,but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered.' The best thing I can do when facing a decision or a troubling event is to turn my mind to what God would have me do. If I can't figure out what that is, then to ask someone who has had the habit of walking in wisdom, and consider their advise. If I find myself wandering around in the same old messes then it makes sense that I need to get some new directions.

Wolves make noise

There is a difference between imagining that a sound outside your house is a wolf, and knowing that the sound outside your house is a wolf. You can talk yourself out of alarm and skittishness. You can look out the window and laugh a little at imaginations most vivid. You can even begin thinking about something else. If the sound outside is not a wolf.

But if it is a wolf, and prowls back and forth and growls with hunger and determination, and the wolf hunter is no where to be seen. Then the difference is enormous. You might find yourself looking out the window for the help that is not yet there. You might find that other occupations are difficult to embrace. You really want to talk about the wolf more than is considered comfortable to anyone who is within hearing range. And perhaps you bite your tongue to keep from wondering about the sharpness of its teeth and how heavy the danged thing is.

If it is definitely a wolf, you pray, but for what? That it would cease to be a wolf (as if wolves can be transformed into something...lovable?) or that its teeth would sort of chew only just a little (and that it wouldn't hurt, just this time?) or that you would be brave as a marine and whistle loudly as you wait for that unseen, unarrived wolf hunter?

And cancer is that wolf. It prowls at the door and outside the windows. I am not imagining the growls and pacing. My regular prayer is that it stays out there until the wolf hunter arrives.

Thanks to Paul Tripp for this one:

Growing up, it was the source of endless entertainment. My dad was the guru of shortcuts. He lived on an endless quest for the shortest route to all of the places to which he regularly drove. He was never satisfied with his latest discovery. He was always after a better, time-saving route than the last one. My mom used to kid my dad that most of his shortcuts were in fact “longcuts.” I remember one thing my dad would say in his search for the shortest distance to wherever, “The shortest distance between two points is a straight line.”

Have you ever wondered what David means in Psalm 27:11 when he says, "Teach me your way, O Lord, lead me on a level (straight) path because of my enemies"?

The life to which God has called us is the ultimate straight line. This line starts with dead rebels and ends with people alive and reformed into the likeness of God’s Son. The problem is that we all tend to have a "shortcut" mentality which leads us into "shortcut" problems. Our living is seldom a straight line. The paths that we think will be easier and better are often not better at all. They seldom end up being better routes to the life which God has designed for us to live.

What seem to be better paths to us are actually self-oriented "long cuts" that actually take us away from where God wants us to be. Somehow, someway we all take daily detours of thought and desire that move us off the straight path that God has placed us on by his grace. In magnificently patient, transforming love, he has redeemed us from the jungle of our rebellion, lust, autonomy, foolishness, and self-focus and placed us on the narrow pathway of the grace of his Son. The problem is that we all tend to get tricked into taking detours that get us off God’s path and into trouble.

Our problem is twofold. First, we get diverted because we are impatient. The trip to where God is taking us is not an event; it’s a process. And the process isn’t easy. God’s road takes us through the heat of the sun, through storms and cold, through the dark of night, through loneliness and confusion. All of these things are under God's control and are meant to change us as we journey. But, we get tired and impatient and begin to convince ourselves that there is a better way. But, that isn’t all.

We also get diverted because we are disloyal. Our hearts aren’t yet fully committed to God’s glory and his kingdom. So, we don't keep our eyes focused on the kingdom to come that is in front of us. No, we're looking all around, still attracted to the shadow glories of creation, because we still carry around in us allegiance to the small-agenda purposes of the kingdom of self. So in our impatience and disloyalty we see pathways that appear easier, more comfortable or that appear to offer us things that we haven't found on God's pathway, but these side-routes only ever lead to danger, destruction and ultimately death.

There is no time when this temptation is more powerful than when we are facing difficulty. This is exactly what the verse we are considering recognizes. When you are being hammered by the enemy, it’s very tempting to debate within yourself as to whether God’s way is the best way. It starts with bad attitudes. Perhaps you begin to doubt God, doubt his goodness, and question his love. Perhaps you give way to anger, impatience, and irritation. Or maybe you begin to allow yourself to envy. You wonder why the guy next to you has such an easy route to walk, when yours is so hard.

These bad attitudes lead to bad habits. You quit praying because you reason that it doesn’t seem to be doing any good. You stop reading your Bible because those promises don’t seem to be coming true in your life. You quit attending your small group because you can’t stand to hear the stories of God’s love that others share, when your life is so hard. You even begin to give yourself reasons for missing the Sunday worship service, reasons you once wouldn’t have given yourself. Before too long there is a coldness and distance in your relationship with God that would have shocked you in the early days of your journey. Your difficulty has deceived you into thinking that you have reason for wandering off God’s straight path, and your attitudes and habits have placed you on the dangerous side-paths of the kingdom of self.

So, David's prayer is an important request for all of us. All of us step off God's path in some way and all of us need restoring grace. Have you gotten off God’s straight path? Have you given yourself reason to take side-paths? How about praying, once again today, “Teach me your way, O Lord, and lead me on a level path”? Thankfully, our Savior Guide doesn't leave us to our wandering. He relentlessly seeks us and places us back on His straight path and for that every son and daughter, still on the journey, should be deeply thankful.

a really bad dream

I woke up this morning from a really bad dream. Dale and I had been visiting family which had been gathered for a big social gathering. Could have been Christmas but there weren't any presents and the relative's house was being remodeled. The conversations were about topics I didn't understand. The people were enjoying interactions that didn't include me. At one point I had been handed a baby, or I had picked a baby up, and it slipped through my hands to land with a soft plop on the carpet. The decorations of the house were crowded and unattractive. I found it difficult to walk through the rooms without being poked or scraped. People who spoke of me used nicknames that I hadn't heard before. I had a strong impulse to leave because I was sure no one would notice I was gone, and being there was so heavy.

Is this what it is like to be non-born? To be unknown, to be unneeded, to be unreal?