Addie is in Norfolk this week. She seems to believe that 'Norfolk' is the name of our house. So that when we pull into the driveway she squeals, 'we are at Norfolk!' Which makes me smile.

Lots of things she does makes me smile. She asked me to buy her some new sunglasses. And then she puts them on so that she can 'see better'. She watches me hunt for my glasses so that I can see better and that must be what women do. She asked me to take a nap with her. And then patted the blanket on me so that I would be warm and comfortable. She offers me some of her snacks.

Now Addie is only two but, man! has she been studying how to be a person. She talks and reasons and argues with the best of us. She watches our postures and reactions and then practices them until she gets them down just right. The other day we told her that we didn't have the cartoon she wanted to see. 'Shoot!' she said.

But what has impacted me enough to hunt down words, is that she has been treated with such respect and affection in her life. With consistency and creativity. So she has become practiced at doing the same. She has had people be generous and open hearted with her so she shares freely. (well, Nora might disagree on that). She hears good manners so knows the polite responses. Yesterday the checker at HyVee gave her a blue dumdum which prompted a quick thank you. We were walking away when she ran back to tell her another thank you, because she really really likes blue suckers.

Addie trusts me because she has never been given a reason not to trust. And that makes the parenting work worth it.

Living in Canaan

It struck me the other day that Canaan, that place that was God's provision for His people, actually existed. It wasn't allegorical. It wasn't figurative. People were born, lived and died there.

And when I look up in my own Canaan, I see giants. They have names and addresses. God could choose to eliminate all alarming threats from my Canaan. But if He doesn't....then what.

What if God decides to keep me in the Valley of the Shadow. What if those giants camp out next door, sharpening their weaver-beam sized spears within sight of my house? What does that say about my God and His intentions for my life?

Probably lots and lots of things. But what He reassured me about yesterday is that He satisfies. He gives peace. He is so pleasant to meditate on. He is a good and kind Savior. He exposes in this uneasy proximity to giant weapons (gulp, aimed at me) that I need a Savior.

A good friend just lost her mother to cancer and it made me hear this line from 'Come Thou Fount' in a new way: " Come my Lord, no longer tell me. Take my ransomed soul away." It made me realize that there will be times in Canaan or in the Valley of the Shadow that I may be pressed to pray the same. And if God answers with a 'no', then I will discover even more truly that He satisfies, He gives peace. He is that kind of God

some good adivse given to me

Well, maybe not to me personally but found by me in the pages of some writings.

Philip Yancy says that God reveals Himself to us either as the Lover or as the Father. And there is a big difference. The Lover, an independent being, is longing for oneness with another independent being, so that they are seriously affected by any sort of separation. While the Father is creatively bringing instruction and events into the life of a very dependent being, so that he/she develops independence and a mature faith.

And then I heard some thoughts on the difference between complaining and lamenting. A complainer would be challenged by the Father to see his mind renewed into more grateful thoughts. or more humble ones. or less selfish ones. But the Lover would draw the lamenter into his arms to comfort and weep with sincere tears. He loves to join into all the emotions of His beloved.

So as I await, again, test results that may or may not be significant I realize that there are places that God is using this to grow me up. He is stretching me toward maturity and the capacity to bear my own burden. AND He is very pleased when I grieve in His presence. Both of these dynamics are happening in me right now. And it is good!

My need and His provision

So here were two thoughts that intersected in one of my recent days....

Walt Wangerin says that cancer does not give permission to become testy or rude to a medical person who hurts you, or to a blessing-meaning friend who just gets it wrong. In fact, even an internal conversation of contempt or criticism is able to set like cement into my soul.

Hm. Okay. Seems like a severe sort of standard to attain. But I'm listening.

Then Philip Yancy says that God reveals Himself to His people in two metaphors. Father to a child and Lover to His beloved. The first looks at His helpless baby and loves it into maturity. Looks for that utterly dependent child to mature into an independent adult with a mature faith. One who can bear his own burden. The second looks at His beloved, His desired one, and uses great creativity to win over her hesitations and independence so that two become one.

I think God wants me to consider this: my need for Him to give me the courage and

More in I Chronicles

David was surrounded by brave men. Here are a few things said about them: They had singleness of purpose, they were seasoned troops, equipped for battle, they bore shield and spear, they were mighty in valor, they were expressly named to come and make David king, they were men famous in their father's houses, they were armed with all the weapons of war.

He had his 3 nephews, Joab, Abishai, and Asahel (what was their mother Zeruiah like??) who became numbered in the 30 of his mighty men.

These men trickled in one by one, day after day until there was a mighty army, like an army of God. These men were not drafted. They made their own decision to be there. This was a volunteer army when it wasn't safe to be joined to David. God uses men like these.

Here's another extract from David's life

In I Chronicles you have a few details of David as a General-King that are pretty significant. When the Israelites routed the Philistines, the baal idols were dropped onto the battle field. David had them burned. He kept his heart free from idols his entire life, and leaned heavily on God. David knew that his life was fragile enough that he needed God badly to win through all the dangers.

And then there was King Saul. Saul was killed because he consulted not God but a medium. (He actually did consult God and knew that the kingdom was no longer his. He heard only silence when he asked for king-directions. He was consulting a medium because he wanted a different answer than God's) Saul was very afraid of God's will and ways, and so consulted his own understanding or forbidden advisers.

Proverbs 28:26 says, 'Whoever trusts his own mind is a fool,but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered.' The best thing I can do when facing a decision or a troubling event is to turn my mind to what God would have me do. If I can't figure out what that is, then to ask someone who has had the habit of walking in wisdom, and consider their advise. If I find myself wandering around in the same old messes then it makes sense that I need to get some new directions.

Wolves make noise

There is a difference between imagining that a sound outside your house is a wolf, and knowing that the sound outside your house is a wolf. You can talk yourself out of alarm and skittishness. You can look out the window and laugh a little at imaginations most vivid. You can even begin thinking about something else. If the sound outside is not a wolf.

But if it is a wolf, and prowls back and forth and growls with hunger and determination, and the wolf hunter is no where to be seen. Then the difference is enormous. You might find yourself looking out the window for the help that is not yet there. You might find that other occupations are difficult to embrace. You really want to talk about the wolf more than is considered comfortable to anyone who is within hearing range. And perhaps you bite your tongue to keep from wondering about the sharpness of its teeth and how heavy the danged thing is.

If it is definitely a wolf, you pray, but for what? That it would cease to be a wolf (as if wolves can be transformed into something...lovable?) or that its teeth would sort of chew only just a little (and that it wouldn't hurt, just this time?) or that you would be brave as a marine and whistle loudly as you wait for that unseen, unarrived wolf hunter?

And cancer is that wolf. It prowls at the door and outside the windows. I am not imagining the growls and pacing. My regular prayer is that it stays out there until the wolf hunter arrives.